Switch on!
Today was ‘switch on’ day. I’ve been mentally preparing for this day for quite some time – trying to imagine what the implant will sound like or how I’d feel when it was switched on. There are so many different factors – age, duration and age of onset of deafness and many more factors including many that we don’t understand. As much as I tried to have realistic expectations it has been difficult to imagine what it would be like in reality. Prior to today I have worn a hearing aid in my left ear but I haven’t really heard speech with this ear for over six years. I’ve had the sensation of sound but it wasn’t that useful, particularly over the last couple of years. Today was going to be a big change.
The Appointment
Broadly speaking to set the implant up and go through everything took about two hours. To start with we created a ‘map’ which is a bit like a programme on a hearing aid. To make this map we needed to measure both my threshold (quietest sounds I could hear through the implant) and then measure loud but comfortable levels for lots of different electrodes. For a brief summary of this process visit http://cochlearimplantonline.com/site/mapping-a-cochlear-implant/
This experience was quite strange and harder than I imagined. Sometimes I didn’t really know if I’d ‘heard’ the sound or felt it. Sometimes the ‘sounds’ didn’t really seem to have an end or a beginning but came in a kind of a wave. Some of the ‘sounds’ seemed to just be a whooshing sensation in my head. The hardest bit about this was that the background tinnitus was much louder when I was trying to concentrate which made it even more difficult to pick out the sounds versus my own tinnitus.
It’s such an odd experience that so few people in the world have had that there just isn’t the vocabulary to describe the sensation – it makes it very difficult to articulate the experience.
‘Switch-on’
Moment of truth. All switched on! If you’ve ever heard a hearing aid ‘whistle’ or ‘feedback’ that’s what the implant largely sounds like at the moment to me. Lots of beeps. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. BEEP. Beep. It stops and starts with the onset of a sound but every sound is the same. In the appointment I heard a truck outside (beep beep beep) and a child in the corridor (beep beep beep). It’s amazing that I could pick up those sounds as I don’t think I would have done with my right hearing aid so the fact that the implant is picking up these new sounds is impressive. When people were talking I couldn’t tell the difference between their voices or the sounds they were making but I could hear they were speaking. However, working out what one ‘beep beep beep’ is compared to the other ‘beep beep beep’ is going to be hard work! At the end of my appointment I put my hearing aid for my right ear back in. This was a big relief – I can still hear the implant beeping away but to get some clarity from my right hearing aid really helped. I’m going to need to spend some time each day without my hearing aid in though, otherwise I’ll learn to ignore the implant and I need to make my brain listen with it.
We went for some lunch after the appointment but I managed to choose the quietest place possible which I was relieved about. There was a persistent beeeeeeeeeeeeeep which I was informed was the background music from the speaker. Again, my hearing aid didn’t pick this up so impressive the implant was already – even if it was just a really annoying sound. On the way home we had to drive on the motorway. Who knew that was so loud?! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
It’s been a few hours with the implant now and despite nothing being changed on the processor the beeps are already starting to change. Whilst still certainly beep-like they seem to be varying a bit more – during speech there seems to be a bit more detail and some fuzzy interference like sound around it. It’s still certainly not very speech-like but it’s fascinating that it’s changed already in just a few hours.
At the moment I feel quite worn out from the whole day and a little irritated with the prospect of ongoing beeps for the rest of the evening - I’m looking forward to going to bed! However, I am determined to remain positive. This is day 1 of listening with the implant and it’s only going to get better from this point.
Everyone’s ‘switch-on’ is different. There is a romanticised notion that it’s turned on for the first time and suddenly you can hear everything straight away. That doesn’t happen but in time it will get better – for some people it will take longer than others. It’s going to be a challenge but I’m convinced that it will be worth it in the end.
This experience is going to teach me to be patient with myself. There is plenty more that I will reflect on from this switch-on over the next few days I'm sure.
